baratillo @ cubao

The standard variety boor is anyone who is ill-mannered or ill- bred. Someone who behaves in a crass or insentive way. For most corporate ants it is unavoidable fact that one meets and interacts with them on a daily basis. Amd since this is deportment it is inescapable that at one point or the other, people (you and I) have transformed (hopefully temporarily) into one these ill-bred denizens of the jungle called the office.

So allow me to present the boors …

Boor Number 1: BAMBINO/BAMBINA (Infant terriblus stupidii)

Bambino or baby. The office baby is one of the major sources of stress in the office. Also known as the terrible child minus intelligence and wit. The bambino often comes in late, does not know the difference between biodegradable and non-biodegradable, does not know how to wash a plate or glass, and when unable to get their desire sulks. Eating and toilet habits are atrocious leaving “markings” where they eat and do number one and two. Is this a throw-over from the days when there was a need to set boundaries? A spoiled beast.

Boor Number 2: The Midnight Food Purloiner (Kawatan ulamii)

A close relative of the office supply thief (Magnanakaw papelii). This beast prey’s on the food and viands of the other denizens of the office. Striking early in the morning or late in the evening. This Napoleon of petty crime does not steal bulk but prefers to nibble away at the food - leaving one slice of pizza or portions of the chicken to the owner. When caught usually smiles the most idiotic smile in the vain hope that all is forgiven.

Boor Number 3: The ALPHA (Siga sigii or Tamaako palagii)

King of all Denizens. Rules the office with an iron hand. This denizen is not necessarily in a position power. It just thinks it is and struts about like a peacock fanning its plummage. Overtly critical and ironically overtly sensitive this denizen is best seen when about to leave the office at the end of the day.

Boor Number 4: The Howler/Crooner (Madaldalus tsimisii/Pseudoddeejaues kapali)

The silence and serenity of the office is disturbed by the noise emanating from the Howler and Crooner. The howler is loud to say the least and thinks that anything it says is interesting and funny. Even the not so funny stories. The Howler also believes that the voice once it reaches the sound level that ruptures the eardrum is an effective tool in mentoring and teaching. Compare it with the Crooner who believes in the maxim that music soothes the heart of the savage. Unfortunately, taste in music is individual and what one might find enchanting another might find disenchanting to the point of being irritating. The Crooner further complicates things by playing its music well above and beyond its personal space - several and several meters from its cubicle. Maybe the Crooner think it is doing a service by providing music or maybe the Crooner just does not care. Shutting of the electricity, giving a headphone as a gift, and a strong verbal warning are the only means of discouraging the Crooner. For the Howler the best remedy would be to get a use a set headphones for yourself. Or if possible trick yourself into thinking you are in a tropical paradise and the howler’s noise is pittar patter of rainfall.

Boor Number 5: The Spanish Fly (Manyakus manyakii)

Senor or Senora Fly thinks it is the gift to every male and female denizens of the office. Charming and sleek it seeks out its prey based on aesthetic taste. The criteria differs from fly to fly but the objective is always the same … conquest or companionship in one form or the other. Most species of this group are hamrless, the case where its bark is worse than its bite is true in this case. There are species though that are more rabid than the norm and extreme care should be taken when dealing with such beats.

Boor Number 6: Brown Noser (Sipsipus kapalmukhaii)

The beast’s main attribute is the talent for heaping praise and feigning familiarity with individual or individuals when it needs to. Clearly, it is an ambush predator. This behaviour continues till it achieves the goal it set itself up. Nobody is sure what its goals are safe to say it is self-serving. Like the Spanish Fly when confronted with the Brown Noser deal with it with extreme care.

Boor Number 7: THE LUCK CHILD (Anakus ngdyosus)

The Luck Child is an oddity of nature. This denizen will always be ahead of you in the office. Often times in a superior position. As to how and why they reached that position is a mystery to you. For as you observe the Luck Child you see nothing endearing, nothing praise-worthy, and nothing good about it. Unfortunately, the Luck Child is also believed to be phantasm that always appears before us with the help of the green-eyed monster.