baratillo @ cubao : www.baratillo.net

Network War

Posted in Parody, Arts and Entertainment, Observations and Notes by juned on the January 22nd, 2008

If you are a regular punter of Filipino television shows you have been witness to a nearly endless airtime being used to win the hearts and minds of the viewers in the on-going Network Wars. And to be frank its really starting to get boring. The endless accusations and testimonials. Occupying the airtime has began to take its effect, and it is somnambulist or
snore inducing.

Given that the both networks have always the concern of the viewers in mind perhaps to spare us from the descending boredom brought about by this battle. Maybe they should capitalize on it and make it something they can sell.

And they can take the blue print from another entertainment industry. Professional Wresting. At least we will be entertained with the following line up. The dream card for that event would be something like this:

BLOOD FEUD: THE NETWORK WARS: THINGS GET PERSONAL!!!!

No trial by publicity or testimonials .. never a boring moment

Watch your network stars give new meaning to BLOODY MESS

1ST MATCH: DEATH AT HIGH NOON

Willie and the Wow Wow Wowie Gang versue Joey and the Eat Bulaga Troop
Tak tak tak does not get more bloodier than this

2ND MATCH: BATTLE ROYALE: NEWS STYLE

Watch all the news presenters from both networks slug it out Battle Royale style!!!

Favored to win: Mike Enriquez AKA Baby Michael

Guest Referees: Jay Sonza and the other news presenters who left both networks

3RD MATCH FANTASERYE AND TELEFANTASYA MULITPLE AND GOGOLPLEX- THREAD WITH THE MOST NUMBER OF CHARACTERS ON CAN PLACE ON A SERIES.

THE FIGHT TO DECIDE WHICH IS CORRECT TELESERYE OR FANTASERYE

See how the Mulawins, Zaidos, Kamandags, and the assorted Carlos J Caparas characters fight it out with whatever super characters they have now on the other side.

More twist, turns, counter plots than any teleserye can come up with.

Guaranteed to extend beyond and more.

And the main event …

4th: Match Charo “Maala Mo Kaya” Santos-Concio versus Kuya Germs in the first time Street Brawl- Caged Match at Quezon Memorial Circle in Quezon City the city of the stars.

No Time Limits !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No Holds Barred !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No Count Outs !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Walang Tulugan Match !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Between the two tv icons

Will Charo’s Maala Mo Kaya sufflex move kick the lights out of the Master Showman’s eyes?
or

Will Kuya Germ’s Walang Tulugan sleeper lock make Charo forget?

WINNER GETS BURIED IN A HUMAN-SIZED BIRCH TREE CONTAINER

Guest Referees: NO Wimpy Guest Referees in the match

ITS BLOODY AND PERSONAL!!!

LETS GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!!

KAPUSO and KAPAMILYA STYLE!!!

WALANG TULUGAN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WALANG TULUGAN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WALANG TULUGAN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WALANG TULUGAN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WALANG TULUGAN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh … I dont know this seems more exciting than what both networks are doing right now.

Pierre and Arbet its your turn.

Wasp Venom and Office Christmas Traditions

Posted in Parody, Observations and Notes by juned on the December 7th, 2007

I just finished reading an article from the National Geographic written by Mati Milstein entitled, “Zombie” Roaches Lose Free Will Due to Wasp Venom. The article explains how the Jewel Wasp zombifies its victim, a cockroach, by injecting venom directly into to the cockroaches brain - in particular the protocerebrum. The venom blocks the production of octapamine, something similar to noradrenaline.

The venom blocks a chemical substance called octopamine in the cockroach’s brain that controls its motivation to walk, the study found.

Unable to fight back, the “zombie” cockroach can be pulled into the wasp’s underground lair, where an egg is laid in its abdomen. The larva later hatches and eats the still living but incapacitated cockroach from the inside out.

“The whole thing takes about seven to eight days, during which the meat has to be fresh,” said study co-author and neurobiologist Frederic Libersat of Ben-Gurion University of the Negev in Be’ér Sheva, Israel.

“If you kill a cockroach, it rots within a day.” [Source]

The poor cockroach unable to flee becomes the incubator and food supply of Wasp progeny. The feeling of inescapable fate is something one feels every time when the Yuletide approaches especially in the environs of the office where there are certain “traditions” one must do. Two things come to mind: first, the Christmas Party presentation and the second the kris kringle.

The Christmas Party Presentation or the rite of making a fool of one self before your peers and underlings. Starts mid November and culminates at the office party. One does not mind being the occasional rock star or transvestite. Some actually love it. Past experiences and actions witnessed a rotund dancing Rudolf the Reindeer, a bone thin Santa Claus, and two macho men dressed as courtesans of the night gyrating to the Tom Jones rendition of Sex Bomb. And all of it caught on cam and could be uploadable to YouTube.

Then there is of course the Kris Kringle or the Monito/Monita where one must buy a gift within a given amount for your baby and irregardless of whether one is a male or female one is randomly called Mommy. At least at the office they did not adopt the weekly-theme-gift scheme, like something long and hard or something your baby really needs. I have seen friendship destroyed because one gave deodorant or even worse tawas or crystal deodorant to one’s baby. And then there was the time someone gave one a lead pipe. A lead pipe?

And then there is the request for the final gift. A certain book found inside a bookshop left of nowhere. Or a particular object that one can only get by traveling by train, tricycle and foot - in that order. There was a point when idle and evil thoughts gave birth to the request of five hundred pesos worth of coconut or mangoes that were not in season. Only a truly evil mind would think of such thing. Then there is of course the gift that really makes one curse like Herod the Great. A request to get any Tolkien Book except the Hobbit and what does one get ? Of course JRR Tolkien’s The Hobbit.

No wonder GCs or Gift Cheques have become the most popular request each year, barring the usual edict from the Christmas Committee.

Oh well going back to the office worker’s Christmas soulmate the unfortunate Periplaneta sp or La Cucaracha. Nature can be harsh but it can be just. The venom might have a narcotic effect that dulls the pain. So it is with Office Christmas Traditions. At the end of the day in between men dancing in frocks, the endless Santa Baby songs well, the surprise gifts from your Kris Kringle Mommy who may not be a mommy, and the prospect of having one’s antics and photo on the Face book, Multiply and Friendster. One must admit that on a certain level it is fun.